I'm the worst blogger ever...

I'm the worst blogger ever! I downloaded an app for my phone (which I had to pay for) as an incentive to blog regularly...and I'm still rubbish.

Enough moaning though... On with the post!

This weekend has been crap to be quite honest. I've eaten so much, by my standards anyway. I'm pretty sure I haven't eaten excessively, but I can't be sure. Once I hit 600 calories the day was automatically a disaster and I basically binged. It wasn't really intentional, but I dunno I just sort of went a bit nuts I guess.
I hope I haven't totally undone my recent loss... I'm so close to my first goal that it hurts.

In other news, I started a handwritten journal to document the mess that's inside my head. Cut a long story short, I wrote a list of 101 reasons why I hate myself and then spent the rest of the night crying over it and hitting myself.

I'm beginning to think I might need some help and that stopping attending therapy (this was a few months ago) was a bad idea. I think, when my bmi gets out of the fat zone and reaches my safe bmi (16) I'll consider seeing a doctor and seeing what help is available at home, now that I've left uni and am in a new (or old) city.

And work... I work full time now and I hate it. I got asked back to my old job which is really nice but I hate it so much. It's boring, lazy, mind-numbing work and everyone in the office is fat and wants to feed me. It's a real test of my willpower though and I love that! Turning down muffins from fat ladies all day and then picking at my salad at lunch time...gotta love it!

I really need to sort my gym membership out. I'm exercising more at home (in secret) but it's not enough!

Oh and last but not least... I confronted my mum about her constantly wanting to fatten me up. I pretty much lied through my teeth saying I must have lost through stress and crap and how I'm just going to eat and see what happens... Bull shit. I'm going to starve and exercise and take pills until my bmi is 16. I'll do whatever it takes to get this disgusting fat coat off! I also told her she was degrading me by insinuating that I couldn't take care of myself and I even cried... I hope this will throw her off until I'm thin!